They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
