I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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