Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
