Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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