it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
