I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
