Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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