i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
