ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
