Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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