One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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