i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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