Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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