I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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