I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
