Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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