i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
