nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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