and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize