He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
