physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
