bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
