My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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