My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize