I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
