Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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