I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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