Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
