and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
