I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he fucked my hip out of place.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
