Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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