I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
