Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
