on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
