Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
