Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
