even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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