Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
