that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
