Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
