Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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