dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
