I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
BRING THE BAGELS
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
