good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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