I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
