If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize