Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
