Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
