I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i've created a new STD.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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