Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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