we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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