dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My bed is full of blood and feathers
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
