She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
