can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
