I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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