she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
