'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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