i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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