I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
